- She’s a Blast!
by our Cult Couture correspondent: Miasma Browne
We’ve had the doll that walks, that talks, that smiles, that pees - and now we have the added luxury and realism of Parpie, the doll that farts. Fitted with specially scented gas pods in the abdominal cavity and a real latex sphincter, Parpie will, at times randomly chosen by an internal computer, produce the most lifelike bottom-burps across the full range from a mild poot to a full bronx cheer. The pods, similar to Sparklet bulbs, come in a variety of savours, from eggy through second-hand vindaloo to the full-on veggie ozone-blaster. Parpie costs $69.95 including with three pods (additional refills are $9.95 for a pack of three in novelty beanz tin packaging) and a full range of wardrobe items is available, ranging from the Shocking Raspberry Poot-Suit at $12 to the full Bridal outfit at $109.95. And for an addition $24.95 you can also get an add-on module, the BryneSteyne Follow-Through Kit, with a supply of extra undies and a soaking bucket.
Top Pop group Rumblefish have already recorded a tribute record, “Parpie”, which goes on sale next week and is tipped for the Top Ten by Xmas. The words go....
Parpie,
Oh Parpie, we love you -
Your bowels hold the keys to my heart.
I want to lie there beside you,
And savour the scent of your fart.
Like a knight of old, I’d go on missions,
Inspired by your anal emissions,
And the whole world is dying to hear
Those sounds that come out of your rear.
I won’t want to move - hey!
When you lift the duvet -
I’m skewered on your cupid’s dart!
stop press
Production of the Star Trek series Riker doll - remember the slogan? "Miraculously lifelike - made entirely out of wood" - has been halted due to shortage of supply of thick enough short planks.