Following in the footsteps of Baywatch’s X-Files-ish turn of late (in which plucky big-breasted star Pamela Anderson has taken to investigating gobblin’s and goolies — presumably they thought the audience was so dumb it wouldn’ know one Anderson from another? —ED), other jaded American TV series have decided to jump on the S.F. bandwagon.
First out of the scriptwriter’s
conference-room door is Universal’s update of the Murder,
She Wrote format, entitled Murder, She Faxed. In the
new series, various members of Angela Lansbury’s murderous
extended family have exiled her into space, where the
delightfully dotty old typist continues to drum up trade for
undertakers and incompetent police squads throughout the galaxy.
Also debutting soon in America is NYPD Dark Gray, in which various cuddly inner-city police officers with entertaining character flaws investigate supernatural ghost-stories and do battle against low-life scum from beyond the stars: drug-dealers with pustule-laden tentacles, eight-eyed rapists from Alpha Centauri and gangsta-rappers with two heads. The show is set to feature the entire cast of the old NYPD Blue, but without any on-screen explanation of the characters’ change of circumstances — possibly the audience will be left to assume the assorted aliens and ghosts were “ shy” to appear in the earlier series...?
Among many other offerings, not yet formally in production, are the following:
The Golden Ghouls - in which the three main characters (Rue McLanahan, Bea Arthur and the other one — Betty White, was it?) return from the dead
The Fresh Prince of Remulac - Will Smith puts a tit on his head and acts like a twat — no change there....
Roseanne, The Next Generation which sees the return of Ms. Barr in a show featuring the joyfully obese lady’s great fat great granddaughter’s wacky exploits in a go-nowhere suburb of interstellar space. The new husband character will be played by John Schuck in a wig and the precocious teenage daughter will by played by Whitney Houston; casting for the token gay son’s part is still pending, as Will Weaton proved unsuitable even after being prescribed steroids.
E.R. = E.T. (nuff said)
Cagney & Spacey - featuring two ball-breaking no-nonsense female cops patrolling the streets of Noo Yawwk, one of whom is a psychic, able to “feel things”, and put herself in the criminals’ place and act out the villains’ plans before they happen. The catch is that “Spacey” can never reveal the criminals’ names or whereabouts because that would consequently prove to be very dull television indeed (rather like its antecedent? —ED). The producers have already secured Sharon Gless for the role of Cagney, but reports suggest that Tyne Daley is unlikely to portray the Spacey role as she feels she is too fat for the part. Offers of health club memberships and Emmies have so far been to no avail. Music will be a synthesized version of the old Cagney & Lacey theme, provided by Jean Michel-Jarre, who told FanGrok, “It’s quite a funky little piece already, n’est ce pas? I’ve added some ‘vooshes’ to make it more, how you say... Spooky? Ya!”