Editors: Adam Richards, Andy Thompson, Owen Richards with net facilities by Robbie Langton
Tellytubbies World-Tour Film BANNED!!!
By our Washing It Very Fast Correspondent: Willie Gripper
The Teletubbies, who earlier this summer finished a troubled world tour, have had their tour film banned by British censors this week.
Controversial
“I was shocked” admitted one lady who had attended a BBFC screening of the controversial new video, “TELETUBBIES IN YER FACE” : “We got about 10 minutes into this tape and it was just like how I’d imagine some awful porn movie, with loud rock music and The Teletubbies indulging in various scenes of crazy low-life: they were walking around nude with bottles of liquour; there were also half dressed - and obviously drunk - women slurring foul language into the camera, and shocking scenes of simulated masturbation - not the sort of thing you would expect to show a child, certainly. The Tellytubbies themselves were hardly in it at all, thankfully.”
Unsavoury
Another critic complained, “What camera technique there was seemed to involve pointing it at whoever had the least amount of clothes on in their tour-bus at the time. I think the most telling example of how terrible this film is was a scene where several unsavoury antics are taking place in a dingy-looking hotel room, when suddenly Tinky Winky bursts through the door as if to save us from all this sordid wretchedness. But the relief is short lived, as the first thing the lil’ fella does once he’s on camera is vomit and pass out! I can see waves of hysterical panic from both parents and children if this video were ever, ever released...”
Video
A BBC video spokesman was typically reticent about the matter: “I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I mean, from an original length of 106 minutes the movie was cut down to 79 minutes. We excised most of the really dodgy stuff, like the scene of La-La mainlining a speedball; and it’s a real shame that had to go ’cos it’s fairly integral to the plot”.
Unconfirmed
Reports emanating from the Teletubbie’s PR firm, Pinkle & Throatburger LTD, saying that the BBFC committe “...somehow ended up with a copy of the wrong tape for screening...” are unconfirmed at this time.