FRAKES & ANDERSON WIN PUB AWARDS

By our Vodka And Lime Just In Time Correspondent: Piston Yurtee

Large, jolly Star Trek Next Generation actor Johnathan Frakes was recently voted “Beard ’n’ Belly of the Year” by regulars at the Dog And Octopus pub in Southend, during its annual cult-TV poll marathon.

Poll

The cult TV-poll, which always takes place during the last week of February, is attended by executives from all four (soon to be five) British terrestrial channels, and results from the last twelve years have been used to implement the scheduling of cult-TV programmes throughout the British Isles during the 1980s and ’90s.

Edited

“This means of course we’ll be showing a selection of Star Trek Next-Gen repeats, specially edited to remove all the scenes in which ‘Big-Belly-O’ doesn’t appear,” proclaimed the programme planner of one well-known channel. “It will be one hell of a job to edit all those episodes, but who cares? I always come here and see what people like, but more importantly, what they don’t like! We always show whatever gets the most votes, and axe whatever gets the fewest. Simple!”

Fanny

Other results in the poll were Gillian Anderson voted “best fanny” in the “wanton women” category and Babylon 5 was voted “best show to be watched while completely rat-arsed”. The attendees were all pissed at the time, and laughed so much that most of them threw up into their pints.

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